but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize