No stitches, just platelets and will power
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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