I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
