I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
