If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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