Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't deserve a penis
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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