I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
