i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
