You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
