Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
