just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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