I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
