I wish my penis had an off switch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?