But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.