Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you