I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina