So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful