I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
