tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
