I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
