did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
