I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
