I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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