I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
