If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
