I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
