He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
