no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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