Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
