Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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