oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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