I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
