You're my little dorito
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
