dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize