Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
