Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
