So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
