He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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