Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
