and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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