whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
