When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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