so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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