did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
