There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
