I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
