On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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