Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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