she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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