well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
