Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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