I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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