Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
