We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
