She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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