oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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