At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
