Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
