ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
