We won't sleep together?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
