We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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