Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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