My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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