you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
