I wanna bring you to show and tell
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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