I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
