i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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