He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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