Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
