WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
