I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
