Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
