I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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