guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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