dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
