SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
