Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
