my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
