All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life is pants optional.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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