i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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