you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
