I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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