I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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