we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
