the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
