Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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