end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
