Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
