FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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