So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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